| Subject Name | Description |
|---|---|
|
Cassandra Sneadwell
|
Queen of Snark |
| Episode | |
| Subject lives to text about the stupidity of tragically uncool people. Subject overheard women discussing plans to eat at a generic restaurant and view a mainstream comedy. Subject wished to BBM the tragedy, Blackberry Curve was dead. | |
| Result | |
|
Subject was unable to broadcast her unique and vital spin on this bourgeois travesty. Subject died a little inside. |
|
| Status: | |
| After her ChargeOn attachable battery pack for mobile phone treatments, subject is never without power. While she has gotten over her DBA, she has yet to get over herself, and is currently tweeting about those ugly shoes you are wearing. | |
| Subject Name | Description |
|---|---|
|
Sam Treehorn
|
Mr. Sensitive |
| Episode | |
| Girlfriend's apartment. Subject attempted to make dinner for new girlfriend, lying about ability to cook. Secretly downloaded recipe on iPhone 4, but battery died. Subject tried to recall recipe from 3-second glance but failed miserably. | |
| Result | |
| Subject used teaspoons for tablespoons, salt for sugar, and baking soda for baking powder. Girlfriend eats anyway, and spends the evening in the bathroom. Subject does not score, and dies a little inside. | |
| Status: | |
| After prescribing the ChargeOn kit for iPod/iPhone, subject places charging pad at steady girlfriend's apartment for backup power. However, he is still lying about his ability to cook. | |
| Subject Name | Description |
|---|---|
|
Rex McGavin
|
Mattress Violator |
| Episode | |
| High-speed police pursuit, downtown. Accused of tearing off the Do Not Remove tag from his mattress, subject was on the run. Used GPS to navigate unfamiliar streets, but iPhone 4 battery died. | |
| Result | |
| Subject turned into a blind alley and was apprehended. Was charged and convicted of a really ridiculous crime, and died a little inside. | |
| Status: | |
| Prison psychiatrist prescribed ChargeOn attachable battery pack for iPod/iPhone. Freed of DBA - but not his criminal tendencies - subject vows that his next crime spree will be far less anxious. | |
| Subject Name | Description |
|---|---|
|
Jason Turner
|
Plug Hawk |
| Episode | |
| Airport terminal. Subject was scouting for empty outlet, was tased by airport security while attempting to agressively hijack outlet from 12 year old boy. | |
| Result | |
| Subject missed flight and sales quota. Subject died a little inside. | |
| Status: | |
| After prescribing ChargeOn attachable battery pack for mobile phone, subject now travels free of anxiety. Has made ammends with 12 year old boy. | |
| Subject Name | Description |
|---|---|
|
Stacey Saunders
|
Soccer Rocker Mom |
| Episode | |
| Carpool lane. Subject states she lost winning bid on sold-out KISS tickets due to dead Nexus One battery. Enraged, subject sped off from carpool lane. | |
| Result | |
| Subject's children were the last to be picked up, mothers shunned her for weeks. Subject died a little inside. | |
| Status: | |
| After regimented use of ChargeOn attachable battery pack for mobile phone, subject has reclaimed status as #1 Mom with children. Subject has also led other moms to successful treatment of DBA. | |
| Subject Name | Description |
|---|---|
|
Jeremy Grey
|
Wedding Crasher |
| Episode | |
| Coworker's wedding. Subject's iPhone 3GS taped to jacket pocket. Battery died before winning kick of playoff game could be seen. Subject shouted at inopportune moment. | |
| Result | |
| Preacher assumed episode was reason the bride and groom should not be married. Wedding was cancelled, subject's date left him stranded. Subject died a little inside. | |
| Status: | |
| After proper use of ChargeOn attachable battery pack for iPod/iPhone, (along with etiquette training) subject no longer suffers from DBA. Subject has also learned to keep mouth shut during events. | |
